He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
