you guys were way drunker than both of me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
