I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
