return my video game
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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