Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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