Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
