i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
