when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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