Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
