It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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