Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
