jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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