my phone needs a breathalizer
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
