I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The power of my boobs compel you
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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