Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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