I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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