She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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