I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
worst night to have a conscience
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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