last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
false alarm. still invincible.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
