I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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