I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
