The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
