I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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