It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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