We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
