Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
