I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
