she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
