you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
