So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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