I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
