i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
