i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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