i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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