You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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