Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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