those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
