Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
