"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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