I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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