Dude my mom stole all your condoms
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
