He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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