I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
