found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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