My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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