im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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