Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
