I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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