Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You are a genius and a whore.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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