the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
