god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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