I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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