Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
