Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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