Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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