words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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