i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
