When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
