I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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