i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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