hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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