They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm really busy with my period
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