Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
