handjob tips. give me some.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize