just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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