God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
