I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
