U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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