You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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