found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize