if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.