You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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