im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
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I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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