great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
