all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one