taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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