Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.

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  (630): So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless. http://tfl.nu/sjt0
  Replies (2) Good night (1301) Bad night (621)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."

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  (301): let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child." http://tfl.nu/sqg2
  Replies (18) Good night (5739) Bad night (2875)
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  (949): View more from California

  you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.

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  (949): you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano. http://tfl.nu/kwsa
  Replies (6) Good night (2494) Bad night (3417)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.

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  (985): I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now. http://tfl.nu/zv6d
  Replies (6) Good night (5965) Bad night (1058)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..

  (1-318): View more from Louisiana

  what?how do you know?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.

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  (318): i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday.. (1-318): what?how do you know? (318): it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet. http://tfl.nu/gg1h
  Replies (10) Good night (1403) Bad night (4821)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were

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  (731): all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were http://tfl.nu/iffh
  Replies (12) Good night (2700) Bad night (797)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".

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  (604): You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him". http://tfl.nu/d338
  Replies (5) Good night (2384) Bad night (729)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk

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  (317): I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk http://tfl.nu/c9us
  Replies (10) Good night (2072) Bad night (829)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.

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  (586): I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science. http://tfl.nu/0s8c
  Replies (6) Good night (1527) Bad night (768)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us

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  (508): I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us http://tfl.nu/g48g
  Replies (6) Good night (1127) Bad night (399)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities

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  (301): Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities http://tfl.nu/tvfe
  Replies (11) Good night (1321) Bad night (470)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.

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  (912): We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day. http://tfl.nu/r8kt
  Replies (2) Good night (570) Bad night (417)
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  (818): View more from California

  Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood

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  (818): Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood http://tfl.nu/uhdt
  Replies (1) Good night (397) Bad night (627)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"

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  (518): You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?" http://tfl.nu/9mot
  Replies (2) Good night (744) Bad night (224)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?

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  (602): How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis? http://tfl.nu/64di
  Replies (4) Good night (476) Bad night (152)

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