How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together