What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
