i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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