you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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