There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
