His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
