I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
